A batch of posts from March 1999
March 28 – What an interesting time in my life. I do really love being in my 40s. I feel like it is such a time of renewal and change. I do not know if it has anything to do with my chronological age really, or if it is more to do with the tremendous amount of change that I have experienced of late.
There is an interesting feeling about knowing that I will graduate from this interpreter training program. I have spent a lot of time in my life believing that the “golden ring” was always out of reach, that it was meant for others and not for me. I hate to admit it, but I have been pessimistic about myself for the most part. Now all of a sudden, I feel optimistic. I care. It’s an odd feeling. It’s as if something inside of me has really gotten calm with what is important and worrying about the future is not on the list.
The problems with school have provided me with an opportunity to grow and to mature. The situation has also made me realize who I am deep inside, and what my values are. I know now I will always speak up when things are not right, and I am proud and glad that it is a characteristic I have. And above all… question authority.
March 25 – Well, I finally got my letter. I got accepted into the internship program. I am nervous and excited, and at the same time, I am deeply saddened that so many of my class are not going to be able to graduate. Especially my friend, Kori* (*name changed to protect the innocent). She deserves this and has worked really hard for it.
As another person who passed said “It’s like a lotto, and we got the long straws”. I agree. There is no logic to who got in and who didn’t. There are people who absolutely should be given the chance to intern, but because of the whacked out system the program uses for determining who gets internships, only 30% of my class will be graduating. This is the norm for this program.
Call me crazy, but if I were a college administrator, I would think there is something wrong with this picture.
March 17 – Those *$@&^# people at my school!!!!! They assured us that we would get our letters today letting us know whether or not we get to go on internship. Did the letters arrive? NOOOOOOOOO. I am so sick of the lies!
March 15 – YAY! I’m free! Well, kinda sorta. I still have to wait for the letter that is going to determine my future. Nothing scary about that, eh? But the cool part is that it doesn’t really matter to me either way. If I get to go on the internship, cool; if not, cool. That is such a wonderful feeling.
March 14 – Okay, all you weisenheimers… the person whose dinner invitation I accepted was Chris G*****. It was no big deal. He took me to Fresno for sushi and told me that was how I should always be treated. It had nothing to do with John.
Ever have one of those days where you wake up mad? Today was that day for me. The minute my feet hit the floor, I was Raging! I do not know what it is! Maybe end of the term stress or something? I don’t know.
March 11 – Today was the last real day of classes in this fifth term of the interpreter training program I am in. My god, it is stressful. It has been an ongoing battle, just to be treated like adults, let alone adults who have half of a brain. I actually had a teacher tell me “We don’t need people “like you” telling us how to run the program.” Forgive my French, but what a bitch. Anyway, by next Tuesday, there will be some news that will determine my future one way or another and surprisingly enough, it does not have the power that it had over me a week ago.
You ever been in one of those situations where someone hurts you, and at first you let it affect you? Then, you get pissed and say “F*ck her (or him) and you take back your power. That is where I am at.
I am looking forward to Spring vacation, and getting back on track in several areas of my life. I appreciate your taking time to visit, and if you’ve read this far, please feel free to email me if you have any comments or suggestions. peace.
March 6 – Tonight was the Sierra Online/Yosemite Entertainment reunion at Talkspot. I was on it the whole two hours, and after it ended, I was left feeling, well, I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. Not sure what that’s about. I think I am missing the people who I worked with. I think I am missing the good times. I never really got closure on it, because my leaving was related to hormones (not mine) and it pained me greatly when I did leave. I loved that place. I am just feeling pretty low right now, wishing for things that “were”. In fact, there is one person who, had I accepted his invitation to dinner one night, might have made a big difference in my life. On the other hand, there is yet another person whose dinner invitation I did accept and he did make a difference in my life. Who knows. All I know is I am very very very sad.
March 5 – I am enjoying working on this webpage, and all of the response that I am getting from people about it. It took a long time to pull it together, and now, I feel I am off to the races.
My life is in chaos right now, and like many of you, I battle depression. Now, thanks to the school, I now also battle anxiety and asthma. Amazing how much damage stress can do.
I don’t feel like I have anything profound to say right now. I have no poetry yet, unless you count the first poem I ever wrote. Ready? Ahem… Horses are so good and gay, they let you ride them every day. Does that prove how old I am? To all you whipper snappers out there, the word gay meant something different in the olden days.